Part Two: I Cheated!
I feel awful about it. A wonderful relationship and I cheated. It’s not really something I could have avoided, it’s not something any of us could avoid – we have needs.
So I admit it, I cheated. I cheated on my hair stylist, my massage therapist, my house cleaner, and my doctor. We spend years developing these relationships, we share personal details, we invest our time, give our trust, and then we move away and are just expected to replace them? I think not. They are more than just their role that they are hired to perform; they listen to us almost as our personal shrink. And yet slowly one, by one, I had to replace each one and it felt like I was cheating on them.
The guilt I felt as I walked into that salon to get my hair done was heavy, and as I tried to explain how I wanted my hair done, “Well my last Stylist used to do this, and then she would recommend this…” to which the Stylist replied, “and WHY then did you leave this stylist?” Ok I felt a little bad for the new girl as I put her through the ringer, but she understood when I told her that we had just moved (yes she also informed me that I didn’t have an accent).
There was no comparing Massage Therapists. After making me wait 20 minutes, she spoke the entire hour about her various relationships and problems and I left feeling sore. As I walked out that door I mentally calculated the cost of a flight for my Massage Therapist in Edmonton…
My son was really sick a couple weeks ago with pneumonia and stomach flu, and I instantly wanted our family doctor from back home (ok I wished for my mom too). It wasn’t that the doctors here aren’t wonderful; actually at the Emergency Care Center, they were overly helpful and even called an x-ray technician to come in after hours just for my son. There just wasn’t that established relationship so that when the doctor finally told me he would be ok once hydrated, I didn’t feel relieved. Our family doctor could tell me anything and I never worried, I trusted her completely.
When I was pregnant with my first son, my husband was gone on training for the last 2.5 months of my pregnancy. Living in a 3-story townhouse with two dogs and a reoccurring back problem, we decided to hire a house cleaner to help me. Now hiring a stranger to come into your home while you’re not there is not an easy task; there must be trust. We found a gem. She was wonderful and put me at complete ease. She stayed on with us for about a year as my husband went on a six-month tour to Afghanistan and then she went on Maternity Leave. She saw my son grow from a newborn and he would light up when he saw her.
She was someone to say good morning when I missed my husband and my house felt so empty. These are some tough shoes to replace! The woman we’ve hired here was highly recommended by another Canadian, and she does a fantastic job… but I don’t really feel comfortable around her, and my son hides when he sees her.
Now please don’t read this as complaining, obviously I have some comforts that I am very thankful to have access to… it’s just that I’m experiencing a part of a posting that I hadn’t expected, and as this is our first posting, I know that I am going to have to do this again, and again as we move from place to place. Posting Veterans, how do you do it? The services are replaceable, people aren’t. And while we keep in contact with friends and family, there is an abrupt disconnect from these other people who have been a big part of our lives.
To my dear Haley, Candace, Dr. Z, and Tracy… though I may be cheating for a year, you have not been replaced, and you can bet I will be coming to see you when we move to Cold Lake next year!